After working the online personals like a mad scientist for the last few years, I now have a good idea of what types of profiles women most respond to.

Your profile is like an advertisement. It can be anywhere from 2 to 7 paragraphs long, and be written in the first, second, or third person; or any combination thereof.

Example of First Person: I am interested in meeting a woman who has a fun character, isn't a total brat, and doesn't mind the occasional corruption...

Example of Second Person: You are an extroverted woman, full of feminine energy, who likes and appreciates men who go after what they want...

Example of Third Person: I just woke up. Last night was very passionate. It was the first time in a while I could really be myself with someone. And to think I felt bad about hooking up with him initially...I learned so much...

Whatever your style of communication it is important that you are able to lead a woman's imagination. You want her to catch a glimpse of what you are like. You are the product and the personal ad is the brochure.

Women, unlike men, are much more likely to read someone's profile. Men tend to mostly look at the picture, but women are usually very curious about how a man expresses himself.

I have found that there are certain things that you should definitely avoid when writing your profile. They are:

- never say you are looking for a relationship (it sounds needy, and too many men say this already). At most, say you are not actively seeking a relationship, but if it happens it happens

- never say you are looking for "the one" - too cliche and again it sounds needy

- never say you like to cuddle or do anything which women say they like to do. You're a guy so you like guy things. For example, you enjoy sports, like hockey, or football, or anything full contact which involves a strenuous workout (you can even add a *wink* to this last one, for effect)

- never say you are looking for someone to fill a void in your life - it makes you sound desperate. Believe me, women avoid desperate men like the plague

- don't ever say you are tired of the bar scene - it makes you look like you are using the internet as a last resort and are unsuccessful in general

- never communicate, or hint, that you are frustrated or angry towards women.

You want to communicate that you are a fun guy who is passionate and is perfectly comfortable with intimacy, but not in a crude way. Use innuendos, they work great. Mention that you like the winter season because it forces you to rely more on body heat (and sometimes it takes more than one body).

Showing that you have an edge is good, and adding humor to an overal "gruff" exterior is a great way to entice. Humor is what allows me to say something borderline and get away with it.

Sarcasm works good too. You can try writing something which sounds like total romantic drivel, about how you're looking for "the one", and someone to have 10-15 kids with, house on the prairies etc - all very tongue in cheek. Just make sure it's very clear that you are joking, and that you go on to write what you're actually like.

It is very good practice to say something which makes you look like you don't need approval and are willing to screen for women to find the one you like. For example, you can say that you like women that are easy going and don't have self-esteem issues, and can enjoy the moment and take risks without second guessing themselves.

Saying what you like and don't like, in terms of facts, is good, but you should also write something to get her imagination going (such as with NLP based language & suggestive flirting). It's good to say what you like and don't like but you should also give her a compelling reason to want to meet you (emotional rewards, good feelings etc). My personal favorite way of doing this is with innuendos, as shown before.

Finesse. It's not enough to just write out all these things. You also need a good writing style, and that only comes with practice (same as writing english essays). Many bad profiles have a terrible writing style, but are okay content wise. They read like a 10 year old wrote them. This happens often when people cut and paste parts of others' profiles and try to stitch it all together. It ends up looking like a Frankenstein monster.

In terms of having the best mindset to write a profile, I find that the best time to write is when you're feeling in an upbeat mood. Maybe you just had a great day or maybe you just feel empowered in general. Try not to write a profile after you got burned by someone, or something. It's very hard to get in the right mindset if all you're thinking is, "that stupid ^@%#$". It tends to pollute your writing, making you come across as angry and frustrated, which you want to avoid.

Say something about you, such as what music you like. I like to mention that I like swedish death metal. It's part of who I am and I know women are always intrigued by extreme hobbies anyway, so it's good to mention one.

For a picture of you, a natural outdoor pose works well. Don't smile too much or look angry/grumpy. Just look cool and relaxed, with a hint of a smile. Also, dont take a picture of you standing beside your car (unless it's a piece of junk and it's clear you are not showing off). It's good to have your picture taken while you are doing something else, like, say, you are at a party and someone got your attention and took the picture while you were with your buds. Avoid webcam shots. They look bad, period. Take my word for it.

A useful writing trick is to write a draft of the profile, and then wait a day or two before reading it again, and editing if need be. This is similar to what good writers do, as it helps the final product look as good as it can.

I've had a lot of practice at this. It took me a long time to figure out what to write that would attract women. A lot of experience at clubs and bars, and observing reactions of women there, helped me to understand what women would respond to online. I've met dozens of women from online, and wrote/experimented with at least one profile for every woman I met. Now I have about 6 template profiles I can draw on which I have been successful with in the past.

Copyright (c) 2005 Vittorio Norman